29 December 2006

The Ginger Ninja has sired. Well he will have in approximately 7 and a half months.This is both fantastic and sad news. Fantastic, as I cant wait to see a Mini Ginger but sad in that it definitively knocks on the head any plans they may have harboured to join us in Jamaica.

Despite my whinging over the last few days there are things that make Jamaica wonderful, and Port Antonio is one of them. I went to work yesterday for the morning (day two of my requested leave) and two and a half hours after I walked out the door, I was full length on a sun-lounger overlooking San San Beach with a Red Stripe in my hand, the aroma of a spicy West Indian curry, prepared by my housekeeper, wafting over occasionally. People can and do pay small fortunes to stay in places like this and I’m sure come away feeling completely satisfied. Whereas it is a quite easy for us “locals” to begin to take it all for granted simply because of it’s accessibility and the low local prices allow us to be frequent visitors.

Today I empathized with my put upon colleagues by conducting a little bit of work on the Blackberry. Far from finding the drag that I thought it would have been, I found it immensely satisfying e-mail some poor unfortunates freezing their nuts off up in New York from the shade of a palm on Frenchman’s cove. Although they could not know where I was e-mailing from, it still allowed me to feel tremendously superior.

27 December 2006

Back in work though this is day one of my requested leave. It feels fitting that I am back after what had been a pretty disappointing time. Its easier to think of it as a crap long weekend. There are very few people around and even the boss is not here. Not physically at any rate though he does manage to keep his presence felt via Blackberry. I can just imagine him driving from Jamaica Inn, steering with one hand, e-mailing with the other. In fact that is probably the reason we all drive automatics; he thinks we should be maximizing our work time!

Being in the office is not so bad. Its very quiet and I can belt out my music from i-Tunes and that makes it a much better deal than the poor sods who thought that flying half way round the world meant they were getting a holiday. I’m sure working via blackberry with the 5 hours time difference while you are trying to frantically get around to all your buddies would be such a drag. I’d be doing mine from the pub. Seriously though, the lack of consideration that this company affords its employees is criminal and the arrogance of senior management knows no bounds.

26 December 2006

Salvaged the Bordeaux to make a pretty good jus for steaks. Still in bed by 10 again. Sober again. This just isn’t Christmas, we won’t be doing it in Jamaica again.

New Best Friends had a similar experience with their Christmas dinner. A specially ordered and outrageously expensive goose was prepared. Unfortunately it transpired that the goose was anorexic and only yielded 2 table spoons of fat. Their bird was inedible and to make matters worse, they were entertaining.

There’s another three that Jamaica’s population will shrink by next year.

25 December 2006

The Wee Lad is just beginning to comprehend the whole Christmas thing and to his excitement was fantastic. Most of his gift were sourced in Jamaica and they all looked a little on the cheap side, even if that was not necessarily the case. Little Madam is far more discerning, so great care and attention had gone into her presents being sourced on the last trip home and the Lady of Leisure’s recent Miami trip. She did rather well for herself too, though there was an element of compensation as there were no gifts from relatives. Gift giving was over pretty quickly indeed. Our fear of the officialdom Jamaican Customs is such that we have told all our extended family no to send anything as it would likely just cost us more to receive than it did for them to give. The upside here though is that we should receive a steady procession of Christmas gifts all year as we receive visitors.

Heat isn’t that bad but still detracted immensely from the experience, swapping presents in our pyjamas in 30 degrees – it’s just wrong. Having no family round had its advantages and we were able to choose to visit friends. Kir Royale by the pool is a superb way to spend any day. The champagne and glad rags lend some sense of accession to the day, though I was embarrassed to say my Christmas shirt made me incredibly overdressed to the rest of the menfolk who mere put on a clean pair of O’Neill surf shorts. This killed any of the festive spirit I had been trying desperately to cling to.

Back at the house I managed to rekindle so Christmas Cheer. The ham had been boiled the night before and the glaze was coming along swimmingly. Turkey was browning off a treat. I had gone to great trouble an expense to get a pudding and a bottle of port, all rounded off with a very expensive Bordeaux.

I was bitterly disappointed. The turkey, although it looked perfect had that peculiar “Jamaican” flavour. It is difficult to explain or even pinpoint, but it is part organic / earthy part plastic. It is reminiscent of the smell of the supermarkets. It was still edible but not enjoyable, and with plenty of ham, the turkey went in the bin. The wine too, was had past its best. Little fruit left and it was visibly oxidizing in the glass. By the second glass, it was getting toward vinegar, so the cork went back in to be kept for cooking at some point in the future. The pudding was sticky and heavy and not to my taste, though there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. – except the price, £16!
In bed by 10, sober. Bah Humbug

22 December 2006

Work is dead quiet, and there is barely a white face around the building. The lack of activity generally has re-invigorated the boss and he appears to have taken it upon himself to keep up corporate productivity over the holiday period based solely on my output from work he has delegated to me.

I have booked 4 days off over the holidays and I can tell now that my boss will not let me have them. If he has to work, then he will make sure everyone knows about it and he likes to share the pain.

Its all a bit crap, little excitement about Christmas and I’m jealous of all my colleagues who have flown home. It reminded me a little like hanging on at University for resits when everyone else goes off inter-railing. It all sounds so glamourous until you find out they have been sleeping amongst cigarette butts on dirty train platforms and living on strangely flavoured chewing gum. Likewise my colleagues who have flow home are not wearing Christmas jumpers and singing carols round the tree, glass of mulled wine in their hands, they are variously hitch hiking through the UK in a desperate bid to actually get home for a few days during their week off or sleeping on the floor in Heathrow waiting for the fog to lift.
Having to work and extra day or so to spend a week on a beach doesn’t sound so bad after all

19 December 2006

An early date for the departmental Christmas do, to accommodate the ex-pats migrating home for the festivities. The boss suggested that we all go for lunch, though I suspect that this was more of an effort to keep it alcohol free and have us all back at our desks by 2pm. I have other plans and Red Bones is duly booked for 14 people for half past six. This gives the girls enough time to change and the boys can get a swift one in on the way. Of course the boss and the big boss play a little game of I work harder than you and don’t actually make it until half 8 and half 9 respectively.

We were pleased to note that Redbones had marked the occasion by putting Turkey and Ham on the menu. Unfortunately it was a case of either Turkey or Ham and protracted discussion failed to enlighten the waiting staff in anyway, so a number of resourceful individuals paired up and divvied up the turkey and ham between them.

The “highlight” of the evening was the handing out of the final pixie presents. Pixie is a Jamaican tradition in the work place and is like any other Secret Santa scheme. The difference is that it runs through the whole of December and you are expected to buy a little token of appreciation for your pixie every few days. Jamaicans seem to take this very seriously and minimum limits were set for the final present, wish lists were drawn up. There is an unspoken rule that ex-pats will spend well above the minimum limit. I doubt it was a coincidence that when the draw was made, every ex-pat was paired with a local staff member. At the receiving of the final gift, you guess who was buying for you and tell the assembled crowd how wonderful you gifts have been. I was thrilled to receive my collection of cheap plastic tat!

9 December 2006

The local sports channel has decided to become a subscription service. This in itself is not so bad as its programming is pretty dire, however they also hold the distribution rights to Fox Soccer and its output is pretty damn good. This has caught me on the hop a little and the derby in on today. Being Jamaica there is no way I will get this switched on today as I need to go down to the cable office and fill out a little form before paying the J$400 monthly charge. I had asked the Lady of Leisure to organize this for me during the week, but she didn’t find the time what with all the new outfits she had to try on again, after the shopping trip to Miami.

I am reluctant to pay it too. I had prepaid my cable package for a year and to my mind that constitutes a contract for the supply of the service as offered when the deal was made. It’s only J$400 and the idea of holding such a discussion with a gormless clerk is filling me with anger and frustration already.

In the meantime I headed out to try to catch the match at one of the myriad of sports bars. I even chose one of those with TV’s. Sportsmax’s decision to go subscription appears to have caught the bars out too. And the hotels… They obviously planned and communicated this transition extremely well. I was forced to return home and pay for an internet radio subscription, dearer than that for the television, but it is now a principled stand. I hope the lost advertising revenues outweigh the few subscription they now get.

3 December 2006

A nice dry 30 degree heat today but the sun felt hot. Feeling a little lazy to go swimming so have been generally lounging and indulging the kids every whim; ice cream with breakfast, allowed to sit in pyjamas until mid-afternoon. A weekend of baby-sitting while the Lady of Leisure does her best to redress the US trade imbalance in Florida and it all going pretty well. I’m earning more Brownie point and more importantly I get a whole weekend to shape those vulnerable minds, unhindered. Still feeling enthused from the pep talk on Friday, I have been preparing the children for life in their second / holiday home down in the Camargue. Coincidently Little Madam has decided choosing Spanish as her modern language was a mistake and she would rather speak French. This is now the language of choice between us which seems to suit her fine as she doesn’t understand when I tell her to do some chores. Wee Lad has been surviving on a diet of Orangina and Pez. It has made him a bit manic but I’d like to think that he was manic in a very Gallic way.