24 June 2007

I managed to convince work to give me a couple of days off and have been practising at keeping the Blackberry turned off. (Could do better.) Biker boy and family appear to have quite enjoyed Kingston so far, so I’m pretty confident that Portland will blow them away.

We have the routine down pat now, and although we have had to travel in two borrowed cars, everything else is as it always in; lunch in Norma’s at the Marina, Goblin Hill, Longbay, Mickey’s Jerk Hut, Frenchman’s Cove, cards in the evenings, Rum punch party with strange German lady.

Biker boy was shocked at the state of the roads, which are worsening. There is an effort to upgrade the road fro Annotto Bay to Port Antonio which entail strengthening the storm drains running underneath. This work has been ongoing for more than a year and part of the problem is that they are trying to upgrade the whole stretch at one. That is a 30 kilometre stretch where there is literally no road, just potholed road stone and diversions around deep ravines. The fact that I have got so used to all this and actually laugh at my friend for being so first world is beginning to worry me.

Everything ran like clockwork, with the staff in Goblin so used to us by now. Even the hawkers on the beaches know our names at this stage. We are also the luckiest people in Jamaica when visiting Portland. The wettest part of the country, it has only ever rained at night when we are there.

I had forewarned Biker boy about the Rum Punch Party. A raggle-aggle group of musicians belt out calypso versions of Jamaican folk and reggae. Wee Lad was in his element, dancing for the band, striking rock star poses. A small attendance meant that we were dutifully waited upon. Biker boy lapped up the atmosphere and enthused all the more when her realised that the drinks had been free all evening!

Biker boy had on one or two occasions, mentioned that he thought I was working to hard. After sitting on Frenchmans for a few hours, with Biker baby and Wee Lad playing happily in the shade, he asked me how often I got up here, and finally agreed that you can put up with a lot of crap during the month for long weekends like this.

18 June 2007

Mother and Father of Leisure left today after 5 weeks. Tempers already stretched, finally snapped on Sunday night and there were plenty of raised voices in the house. Not mine, as I had sensibly gone to bed early in preparation for work. Having woken with the noise, I even more sensibly decided to stay where I was, after hearing my name being bandied about in less than complimentary tones.

We are only 24 weeks into the year and the in-laws have been with us one third of that. It’s no wonder we were all getting on each others nerves. I don’t want to detract from what they have done for us, but I’ll not be asking them again. Lady of Leisure is already not looking forward to her summer break back home as she will be forced to stay with them.
House immediately feels freer and more easy going, though it is also much less crowded which is contributing

16 June 2007

We had a little party for Wee Lad, a little belated to accommodate his mother being around. Quite a few of the invites that have been despatched are for his friends and classmates, though very few RSVP’s came back. On the other hand most of our friends responded in the positive so it turns out to be a decent party.

The final fling for yet more friends leaving the island for good, at least two drinking cabinets are brought along to the party, leaving us with a fine collection of quite undrinkable liqueurs.

I was barman for quite a few hours. Cosmopolitans, frozen margaritas, and (rather excellent) bloody marys presented no problems, but I was having terrible headaches trying to satisfy the pregnant ladies present; the only criteria being something “tasty” and “exciting” not giving much guidance. Virgin strawberry / orange daiquiris eventually seemed to satisfy all requirements and I retired from the bar with a bottle of wine, exhausted.

15 June 2007

Mother of Leisure kindly agreed to go to the airport with New Best Friends and to wait for a few hours before picking up Lady of Leisure and the next batch of visitors. The Biker Boy, his wife and child are the first visitors not related. Its important to make good impression as I reckon a non-family recommendation carries much more weight and we do like having visitors.

I had planned work around completing a project today, but not surprisingly this has over run. This could turn out to be a bit of an issue by eating into my free time. I have booked Friday and Monday off next week and I may well be sending our guests to Portland without me.

14 June 2007

Still no sign of the car. Work has not even begun on it as the insurance company are yet to send an assessor. My work has not assigned me one yet and I am not pushing it yet as it is questionable whether Mother of Leisure was covered by the insurance. New Best Friends are leaving the island for a few weeks tomorrow, so we will get their car as a direct replacement while they are gone.

In the mean time, Lady of Leisure’s friends have been brilliant taking Mother of Leisure to the supermarket and calling in for chats, especially Nordy Lass and NBF (female).

Arriving home from work MoL, begins to have a go at me for not having a replacement car and how tough they are finding it especially Father of Leisure who has not left the house in days. The self-righteous indignation absolutely astounded me, particularly when she was in no position to be self-righteous.

Regretfully I held my tongue.

12 June 2007

Mother of Leisure crashed the car taking the kids to school. Of course it was not her fault, she only pulled out onto a main road with moving traffic. Ok to her credit someone was letting her out, but that was only one side of the road. Only 3 days left until Lady of Leisure gets back and retakes control, and I think this is what is getting to her. It has finally sunk in that she was not here on holiday, but to help take care of her grandkids. Crashing a car with them on board, kind of puts a cloud over the whole thing.

Nordy Lass, happens to pass before I get there form work, and decides to get involved. In fact she decides to take control. She was very helpful with Mother of Leisure but I felt there was just an edge of condescension in the tone. Still there’s not much to be done, except a bucket of police forms to complete, an insurance company to convince they are liable and a garage to fix the car.

Nordy Lass took Mother of Leisure to the police station to complete the forms, and I was left to complete the insurance documents. The police were quite dismissive of her protestations of innocence.

I tried not to make too much of it at home, and work told me the car was a rush job, though in truth I was extremely annoyed; annoyed at the inconvenience of it all, annoyed that I had naively though the in-laws would have done this gracefully, annoyed that I didn’t see that it was possibly more than they could take on.

2 June 2007

Mother & Father of Leisure have certainly not had fun this time in Jamaica and I can tell are keen to get away. I have been trying to give them some time at the weekends, booking Red Bones for them and a few other small gestures, but the weather has not helped and work is getting hectic.

This was always the case and the only reason we had them here. It is the reason why we gave them such a holiday in January and have triedour best to ensure they are not out a single penny on this trip. They are hired help. Despite us telling them this on numerous occasions, I still think they were expecting a holiday (an all expenses paid holiday at that).

Kids are loving them being around and even the Wee Lad has not once asked about his mother, which is reassuring. A number of Lady of Leisure’s friends have been calling round during the day when the kids are at school which is keeping sanity in the household.

22 May 2007

I stayed on in New York for a little business after Lady of Leisure left for Ireland. Quite coincidently Big Sis arrived the very next day. Also on business, this was her first ever trip and we arranged to meet up. I had been there 4 days at that stage sp was an old hand and made all the arrangements. Big Sis was a little star struck on her way in from Newark airport and began snapping shots on her mobile phone coming in an through Lower Manhattan. Unfortunately getting a bit flustered she left her phone in the cab.

More than a little annoyed, and worried that she was suddenly uncontactable she was at a loss what to do. Less than 15 minutes later, my phone rang and it appeared that her phone had been picked up by the next passenger and mine was the last number dialed from it. A further 15 minutes later and the phone was returned in person with the taxi ride the only cost. I was stunned that such kindness still existed in any city, let alone Manhattan. “I Love New York” exclaimed Big Sis in a very embarrassingly touristy way, as the city found another life long fan. We bought another bottle of Blanc des Blancs to celebrate.

21 May 2007

Lady of Leisure has been a force of nature in her retail odyssey over the weekend. Having arrived with largely empty suitcases, it was a rather clever ploy on her part to stock up for her sojourn in Dublin.

The week end in New York has passed far too quickly. With MoMA our only real tourist attraction visited, we packed a fair bit into a few days. Vodkas in Pravda, meal in Chinatown, strolls through Chelsea and the West Village but the highlight was definitely the meal in Per Se on the Saturday night.

With a stunning view over Columbus circle and all the way down 8th avenue the setting was spectacular. The food delightful and the story behind each dish, detailing the provenance of every ingredient. The epitome of this was detailing the butter which came a small farm in Orwell, New York. Amusing called Animal farm, they have 6 cows and all of their milk supply is hand churned into unsalted butter specifically for the restaurant. The chef then hand seasons the butter in the restaurant using fleur de sel. Pretentious nonsense all of it but I was loving every moment. My one complaint was that the tasting menu did not come with a pre-chosen accompaniment. We chose a fine selection of individual glasses and half bottles. My favorite course was the fois gras taken with a 5 putt tokay but the real treat of the evening was the half bottle of 1971 Chateau Petrus. We asked to keep the bottle as a memento and they obliged. Unfortunately a maid dutifully tied this up from our hotel room the next morning while we were shopping.

A final trudge up and down 5th avenue and Lady of Leisure and myself went for lunch in Rockefeller Plaza. Monday lunch time and sun was shining as we sat among the tourists and Manhattanites. I had fallen in love with New York that weekend and we talked seriously about considering it as the next stop on my career world tour.

18 May 2007

Mother and Father of Leisure, unlike HRH the Queen Mother, are happy to watch their grand-children and Lady of Leisure and I had been planning a couple of days away together before she abandons us to go to Dublin. We really took complete advantage booking flights to New York for a long weekend.

One of the compelling reasons for initially coming to Jamaica was the lure of traveling round the region. Having spent more than one year in the job, I have only left the island once (to Portugal and that was work), save for trips back home. My holiday life has become so much less exciting since I have been here. So to go to New York for a weekend of luxury and opulence is just what the doctor ordered before I lose my wife to her work and my liberty to mine.

We took a suite at Hotel Ganesvoort in the Meat Packing District. It was a pretty decent spot and the place livened up in the evenings with queues of desperately trying to get into the pool bar on the roof. As residents we were allow straight in. The room was crammed with bright young things, and I was finding it terribly chilly having not acclimatised from Jamaica. Drinking Martinis from thick plastic cocktail glasses was not terribly appealing, and being old enough to remember Bon Jovi first time round, did not appreciate the irony of it being played to a young trendy crowd.As suite guests we were allowed access to the “even more exclusive” underground spa bar. I have no idea why the queues for this were longer than the rooftop bar. Same incredibly drunk kids, same dodgy AOR belting out of the speakers, same crappy plastic martini glasses only down here there was an additional dampness lingering in the air from the venue’s day job as a spa.

14 May 2007

HRH the Queen Mother flies out and it was an arduous process. Having spend the whole weekend in bed, despite this being her treat and bloody expensivce to boot. I must admit to being slightly peeved and caused a bit of an argument, leaving HRH to storm off in a huff. Lady of leisure and the kids made a hasty retreat across the island to collect Mother and Father of Leisure who arrive in Kingston at approximately the same time as HRH departs Mo’bay.

There was plenty of time for harsh words to be retracted before she left and dutifully I retracted them all, meant or not. She told me how much she enjoyed the holiday, though I don’t see how. That must have been the times I was at work, but any other time she was either in bed or scowling at my temerity at asking her to look after her grandchildren.

There was of course also plenty of time for floods of tears before boarding the flight, because as we know, premium transatlantic flights on the upper deck of a 747 are such a hardship.

13 May 2007

HRH is flying out of Montego Bay so we decided on a little trat of an all inclusive weekend in the Ritz. This was to be the crowning moment of HRH the Queen Mother’s holiday as she is a bit of a label snob. A stop along the way in Oho Rios for all to buy some bling and things are shaping up well.

At the hotel things go inexplicably wrong. Almost immediately HRH complains of food poisoning and takes to her bed. The rest of the family make the most of the facilities, and take turns checking on HRH. Actually inexplicable is not the word, as I have a fair idea what is going on. During the week, while the kids are a school and I am at work, all of Lady of Leisure’s attention is focused entirely on HRH. Come the weekend and that attention gets divided, so suddenly some hardship, disease or anything pitiful comes over her to wrest some of the limelight back. It is quite pathetic.

10 May 2007

We were invited round to Dorothy and the Scarecrows house for a meal, returning our favour of a few weeks previously. The Scarecrow is leaving to take up his new position and Dorothy will be following in a few short weeks, so we were always going to make the effort.

HRH was asked to baby-sit, though I wondered what calamity would befall our kids this time. Lady of Leisure took forever to get ready, so I had to suffer HRH alternating between the irresponsibility of going out mid-week and the terribly trying experience baby sitting a 12 and a 4 year old can be. Still LoL has offered to drive for the evening, so I hold my tongue for fear of losing drinking privileges.

As we reverse out of the driveway, Lady of Leisure neglects to see another parked car and slowly, but certainly not noiselessly reverses steadily into the other car. There is a crunch and some transfer of paint but no real damage. I get out to inspect and though impatient and annoyed, I continue to bite my tongue as its only a company car and any criticism of her driving will only mean me losing drinking privileges.

Getting back into the car, I see HRH at the kitchen window with a look on her face that manages to convey both condescension and helplessness. I think my night has already been ruined.

6 May 2007

With Lady of Leisure having exhausted the delights of Kingston trying to keep HRH the Queen Mother happy, we decamped to Portland for the weekend. Our usual haunt of Goblin Hill was unavailable, so we hired another villa, nearby, Norse Hill. A large and expensive property, we shared the cost with Nordy Lass and the Big Man who also have family staying.

Norse Hill is a fine villa with beautiful gardens, and substantial enough to find peace away from the other guests. The food is resolutely Jamaican, which I suppose is good for tourists and does mean that you can be sure the chef / butler knows what he is doing. The butler I found to be a little creepy, constantly lurking like Lurch, only much shorter and a little less eloquent. We offered him Red Stripe to go away, and when the Big Man and myself broke out the cigars to settle down for the evening and put the world to rights, he sat down as if to participate, though obviously didn’t preferring instead to stare.

We did not show off the full range that Portland can offer as the villa and its surrounds were perfect for the visitors, and I couldn’t really imagine HRH the Queen Mother sitting on a cinderblock outside Mickey’s Jerk Hut swilling down a coconut water after pulling a part a quarter of a chicken with her fingers. Frenchman’s had it usual allure and evenings were spent playing cards with plenty of wine.

HRH took to her bed for one of the days with “food poisoning” though strangely none of the other 7 people in the house were afflicted.

3 May 2007

I have been a member of 1876 wines for almost as long I have been in Jamaica and Paul, the owner of the company / club hosts quarterly wine tastings. Pretty informal as far as a tasting goes, these are to help people enjoy their wine, and are great social occasions. All resemblance to a formal wine tasting is purely co-incidental and any knowledge gleaned over the course of the evening is a bonus. I have only made one previous tasting on account of work commitments and on one occasion embarrassment as I had promised to bring along a number of individuals who all cried off on the night.

Tonight through much cajoling from the Lady of Leisure, we left HRH the Queen Mother in charge of the kids, and joined New Best Friends, Dorothy and the Scarecrow and toddled off for an evening matching food and wine.

A fun evening was had by all and there was certainly more swallowing than spitting. Of our party of 6, the ladies did not work and the Scarecrow was on garden leave, so myself and NBF (male) were quickly outvoted and we adjourned to NBF’s house for some decent French after an evening complimenting some inferior South African whites. Our driver was happy to come along and doze in the minibus while we took the evening into overtime.

At about half past one, reason prevailed and we headed for home. HRH the Queen Mother was not best pleased and was still awake. The Wee Lad had been sick and she had had a terrible time babysitting and what sort of state was this to be coming in.

I swear she must have done this on purpose because he is never sick and the one occasion in his life she has sat for him he throws up. She can quickly take the joy out of any situation, and can’t bear to think of anyone else enjoying themselves.

27 April 2007

Lady of Leisure completed her contract with my work today, with only an 80% over-run on time. As a flexi-time, nice little job to keep her hand in during her time here, it grew and enveloped her. It stressed her immensely, though as is her way, she did a perfect job and they want her back for more. Flattering though it is, she knows that the strain on the family is not worth renewing the contract.

Arguably though, she now has a more difficult and less rewarding job keeping HRH the Queen Mother happy while I am at work.

25 April 2007

HRH the Queen Mother arrived today. I had organised her tickets through my airmiles and flew her Virgin into Montego Bay. A nervous traveller, I though it was a much safer option than have her wander aimlessly through the chaos that is Norman Manley airport in Kingston, so the day booked off work is a small price to pay.

Needless to say the course of anything does not run smooth when my mother gets involved and she was refused entry onto the plane. She was entirely without fault, for a change, and the problem lay with the airline, and thankfully Big Sis was on hand to purchase a replacement ticket. It did not make for a pleasant journey for her. Still she had made it this far and I intended making her enjoy Jamaica to show the effort of travelling is worth it.

21 April 2007

Lady of Leisure and myself were invited around to a friend of a friend’s house for a games night. I have met the friend of a friend before and he is a decent chap, but there will be others there and we have no idea what really to expect. With little or no direction of what the evening entailed, we placed a few board games in the car, along with a few beers and a bottle of wine. I joked that if we were asked to put our car keys in the bowl I was walking straight back out the door! LoL did not laugh, which showed she was as nervous as me.

Arriving at the house we saw a few others entering, but could not make out if they were carrying in any drink. We left our in the car. Friend of a friend was welcoming enough and tried to introduce us to everyone there. It was an achingly right on crowd, artists and a mixed race couples, one of which was lesbian, obviously a real coup for a right on party in Jamaica.

Thankfully a quick look around the room revealed monopoly, boggle and a few other games. Our worst fears were unfounded, though Pictionary was a close second.

After picking at a selection of vegetarian curries, we settled on a game of risk. At least one guest refused to play such a militaristic game and chose to sit and read meditative poetry instead. Of course being Jamaican, and therefore extremely competitive, he was on his feet with an hour directing any army that would listen to him.

The game went on a little longer than planned and we called it a night early. Lady of Leisure had of course dominated the world again and wanted to leave on a high. It was all very innocent and fairly pleasant way of spending an evening. We only found it slightly difficult as we were unfamiliar with many of the people there. I’m sure that would change over a number of nights like this, but I’m not sure if I could suffer another perfectly pc party.

18 April 2007

The party in Portugal was about as professional as can be expected. At some point in my life, I wend from being the young inexperienced kid tagging along to these things to being one of the main participants. I haven’t gained any more experience and can still feel like I am playacting at my job. All the bankers were younger than me, as were some of the lawyers. Of course thankfully they all brought their bosses as well which meant I was still closer in age to the young tables. Not by much mind.

The New York bankers relished being away from their desks for a change, but took to drinking all night in the same competitive way they approached their work. We of course gave them all a run for their money.

The closing party was round the Chairman’s spectacular house, replete with in-house cinema. There was a lovely touch of dry humour in the showing of Scarface in the cinema, amongst all this ostentation. Whether to credit the Chairman or his party organiser, I’ll never know.

At one point in the evening, the Chairman announces that he will be dropping us off on the way home to Jamaica in his private Jet. While excited at this prospect, I was dreading the 10 hour flight pouring over detailed budgets, especially after a party. In a bid to avoid the drudgery, I collared a very young and very fit lead banker and got him to challenge the Chairman to a tequila drinking competition.

As myself and two female colleagues were leaving the Chairman kindly walked us to the car. Following the customary air kiss with the girls, he did the same to me. The tequila challenge was obviously working.

The journey back was the epitome of comfort and self indulgence, soft leather seat, ankle deep carpets, Earl Grey tea and home made bacon butties.

13 April 2007

Middle Sis goes back to France via New York and regrets having split here trip between Jamaica and America – That’s what I call a result. Depending on the length of our stay here, they will be back.
I am getting off the island too, with a weekend in London, seeing Big Sis, before partying in Portugal for a few days. All on work’s dime as well!

11 April 2007

Back in Kingston, and the French Connection are amazed at the number of people we know. We try to explain that it is actually a very small community, it’s just we all go to exactly the same shops and restaurants. They are having none of it and think we are socialites extraordinaire.

By a strange co-incidence, New Best Friends lived for a number of year in the same part of France as Middle Sis. NBF were invited down for a meal. A simple meal, tilapia and roast yellow pepper to start and steaks for main, the idea was to have a few glasses of wine and good adult conversation. Kids were all previously fed, watered and plonked in front of various televisions with a range of DVD’s just slightly above their age ranges to keep them quiet.

By the time starters were despatched, and a number of half decent bottle of wine drained, conversation was free, loud and jocular. With party sounds drifting across the street, it wasn’t long before we were joined by Big Man and Nordy Lass. She, being an avid francophone and Francophile, was always on to try to get introduced to Middle Sis and their visit was no surprise. Still there was plenty of food to go around and the Big Man brought some wine to supplement the dwindling supplies, so we pulled up two extra chairs and somebody put all the clocks on fast forward because the night just disappeared.

This being a school night and with 3 of us having to get up for work in the morning, we may have allowed the conversation to drift a little long. Still its not often that such an impromptu night with so many people turns out to be such fun. Work will be a dull as always, with or without a hangover.

10 April 2007

4 days into the French connection stay and Jamaica is beginning to win the battle for hearts and minds. A sojourn in Portland is enough to begin to convince the most resolute begrudger that Jamaica does indeed have much to offer.

Frenchman’s Cove, always a winner with any visitor, gets elevated to another level when kids are around. The river and lagoon provide hours of safe, shaded play and the kids seem impervious to the cold of the water flowing down from the mountains. An uncorroborated sighting of a Barracuda in the sea, gave a thrill when swimming, though I was sensible enough to take off my wedding ring first.

A short boat trip around the coast and a swim in the Blue Lagoon were the highlights of an action packed 4 days, with the usual sites visited including Mickey’s Jerk hut.

Portland really is a family favourite and we have become largely immune to the mosquitoes. It is a fact that is all too easy to forget and the French Connection paid dearly for our omission of packing repellent. Easter weekend meant that few shops were open and middle sis and the kids got eaten alive over the holiday. Bites numbered in the hundreds and we felt like awful hosts, though in truth, it did not seem to lessen the enthusiasm too much. The beau-frère’s personal thick fur coat protected him from the worst excesses of the mosquitoes

We also witnessed a miracle for Easter weekend; the miracle of the two tiny spatch-cocked chickens. 10 of us got fed by two birds of about 3 pounds each, and there was some to spare!

6 April 2007

The French connection arrived today, beau-frère, Middle Sis and three kids, having already spent a week in New York. I think they considered the New York leg the main holiday and Jamaica was family duty. Their first entanglement with Jamaican bureaucracy at immigration, confirmed all their expectations.

I had neglected to tell middle sis, new address in Jamaica, a requisite for completing the immigration forms. Of course the signs forbidding the use of mobile phones meant that the law abiding Europeans could not phone me, while I stood outside to talk them through what they needed. Rather, and not unreasonably, they went to the information desk and had me paged. They were not to know, and it might be asking a littlke too much of Normal Manley Airport information desk to know, but non-passengers are not allowed inside the airport, so for a pick-up you stand outside. Unfortunately the public address does not extend outside the airport building, so I was oblivious to the page, and the subsequent one, and the one after that etc.

By now the Lady of Leisure had arrived in another car with our family, as one car would not have been enough for the French connection and was curious to see me alone outside. Eventually I phoned middle sis who was still standing at immigration, but whose phone credit expired immediately without me conveying any useful information. After furious searching, I came across a number for the beau-frère and despite him incurring the wrath of the immigration officials for taking the call, we were able to complete the forms and the family was “welcomed” to Jamaica. It wasn’t an auspicious start.

Still as we pull away from the airport in two company jeeps with consecutive number plates, beau-frère remarked that he feels like he is in the film, Salvador. I know this is meant to be a remark on the two cars pulling away in tandem, but as a comment on the first impressions of Jamaica it is pretty telling.